A while back, Jerry Seinfeld created a little internet series called "Comedians in Cars Getting Coffee" -- a chance to improvise the chemistry of spontaneous moments with various actors and comedians from his world. The episode that grabbed my attention was his connection with Michael Richards, who played Kramer on "Seinfeld," the sitcom about nothing (by its own testimony). The Richards episode of "Comedians in Cars" is viewable here:
http://comediansincarsgettingcoffee.com/michael-richards-its-bubbly-time-jerry
What struck me were Richards' reflections and regrets on that fateful night at the Comedy Club when he reacted to hecklers with some racist slurs. Someone recorded the exchange on a smartphone and posted it to the internet. Call it one of those "Mel Gibson moments" (more on him later) ... a meltdown that you can't just rewind or delete. It becomes part of your 'permanent record.'
Seinfeld's brief and unscripted exchange with Richards about that night, seven years past, comes back to me frequently. Here's the transcript of those moments:
Michael Richards: I think I’ve worked selfishly, not selflessly. It’s not about me; it’s about them.
Now that’s a lesson I learned seven years ago, when I blew it in the Comedy Club, lost my temper because someone interrupted my act and said some things that hurt me and I lashed out in anger. I should have been working selflessly that evening …
I busted up after that event seven years ago. It broke me down. It was a selfish response. I took it too personally and I should have just said, ‘Yeah, you’re absolutely right, I’m not funny. I think I’ll go home and work on my material and I’ll see you tomorrow night.” And split or something. Anything.
But you know, it was just one of those nights.
And thanks for stickin’ by me. You know? No, really.
Seinfeld: There was no issue with that.
Richards: Well, I mean, it meant a lot to me. You know?
Seinfeld: That’s nice.
Richards: But inside, it still kicks me around a bit.
Seinfeld: Well, that’s… Okay, well, that’s up to you.
Richards: That’s a big cup too.
Seinfeld: That’s up to you, to say, "I’ve been carrying this bag long enough. I’m going to put it down."To clarify, Seinfeld sounds colder in the transcript than in the actual video, but it was clear that these are two dear friends, with a high level of mutual trust and the ability to shoot straight with each other. It's not for me to psychologize the conversation or critique Jerry's advice or how Richards received it. Rather, the chat struck a nerve for me because we all carry bags of regret ... often for years and years.
Richards: Yeah … yeah.
This is especially true when we have hurt others -- especially those we love -- and even more so when the harm done is ongoing.
